Entry 8: Enabling Parents

In an earlier post I had talked about parents that are too strict with their children, causing them to become sneaky in their older years. I wanted to acknowledge that this is not the case for all parent/child relationships and that there is another extreme on the other end of the parenting spectrum. 

Enabling parents. 

There are some parents who feel the need to do everything for their child. Enabling them to depend on mommy and daddy for the rest of their lives. While this may seem caring and harmless. It is leaving an everlasting effect on the twenty-somethings of today.

How does this happen?

A parent can become enabling to their child for many reasons. Some of these reasons could be that they are the only child, or that they have lost a loved one. Many time when a child experiences a traumatic event in their young life, parents will coddle them to make up for the hardships for a short time being. This is not being an enabling parent. The problems occur when the behavior continues for a long period of time. What ever the reason may be, there should always be balance and discipline while raising a child. 

Effects of enabled children. 

Children who come from enabling parents are often lacking in initiative or responsibility. This stems from the fact that they don't have to do anything because their parents will do it for them. This starts to have major downsides in the school years. If a student gets in trouble for talking, they will place blame on another student. There will always be an excuse as to why their behavior or actions were not what was expected. 

Working in a restaurant where most of my coworkers are in their early twenties. Throughout every shift I see team members expecting exceptions to rules and special treatment because this is the type of privileges they were given while growing up. There is an omnipresent lack of initiative and responsibility when dealing with young adults who had their every need catered to as a child, teen and young adult. 

Finding balance. 

Too much of even the best things in life will eventually become a bad thing. There is no denying this fact. That is why parents have to monitor their enabling behavior to assure that their child is developing skills necessary for their future. This can be done by having rules and schedules in place. If the rule is broken or the scheduled every once in a while, there is no need to panic, but they should be followed to majority of the time. 

To parents.

When you have rules in place, do not think you are being the bad guy. If you tell your child no, do not think you are the enemy. Children need boundaries and guidelines. Most of all remember, you are the parent. Not them.